Love without conditions, love without being convinced to do so, you just have to feel it in your heart. Love but never revolutionise your life for love, it might not be worth, cause you'd be running away from the real you - Jack Vella

If you love today with the intention of stopping tomorrow, then you'd be losing the fairytale in store for you the following day - Jack Vella

You devil, you monster dwelling inside of me!!!

You devil, you monster dwelling inside of me!!!

How could you do this to me?

when my heart burns,

my table turns.

How could you let me look in anger

to the tomorrow days,

I might have never lived,

when life itself is not just a mere gift,

How could you show me all the bad landscapes,

and never reminding me of the might emitted from the rainbows,

that even when the sun aches,

and the rain fakes,

they look like a bright you,

conquering the world with that unsmiling smile of yours,

you try to take me, my heart, my soul,

my all, my life,

literally everything I have since built,

you only manage to show me my guilt,

and sometimes you win,

and in my despair,

I seem not to care for all those who love me,

and wish me well,

for all those that in their lives,

want me to be there,

for them as they are for me,

to set my heart on fire,

burning with desire,

never more you bloody liar.

So yes, now, today, vanish from my inside,

let me live alone without you and free,

Let me show you the bright side of life you lost,

you devil, you monster dwelling inside of me.

Today's post

Till there's breath, till there's love, till there's all involved living, till there's a hope for today - there is always a better chance for you to live a brighter tomorrow - Jack Vella (dedicated to the person that inspired me)

An angel came to visit

The smell of the cigarette as he exhaled it and breathed in at the same time

was strong. He somehow felt he was being watched. This was the first time in

years that he stood there on the door step leading to the flat. It was the

first time that he went out for a fag.

And a series of events led to this one.

A couple of minutes before he was making love to his woman. He could still

feel the intensity of that love making session and he felt proud that his

member (as he used to call him) did not let him down this time round. Yes, this

time round because Theodore was the same guy who after a decade of non love

making sessions went into the wildest days that not even his dreams had catered

for before. There he was, back at that time with a sort of an extra part (since

it was not being used) on his body, a part that he was not well to say the

least proud of.His marriage days were boring to say but the least as regards to

his sexual pleasures. His then wife was not yet to be considered the Mata Hara

of the bed times. Well that is up till now. A couple of months had passed since

he met his current girlfriend and he so foolishly was here on this doorstep

where a miniature papal like chimney was showing him that a new day was on the

verge of kissing the previous one goodbye. A new dawn. In fact that whitish

smoke that he, like an expert inhaled and then exhaled out of his body produced

what looked like the papal smoke, every time that there is a papal election and

the flock waits for to see coming up the Sistine's chapel chimney. This time

round though it was abruptly swept away by the sheer breeze that accompanied

the stars and the moon as he sat there alone on his door step.

Once again he could feel that he was being watched from the distance.

But he was too lost in this little brain he had filled with these many

thoughts of his, at this early hour of the morning. For countless times, he was

recalling his escapades - his treasures - women. He loved to pick up women,

entice them, lure them to his den and then vanish from their life like thin

air. He thought that he was doing nothing wrong. The list that filled his mind

was never ending. Futile was his attempt to remember the names of the one who

were, that ones that not, the ones he did it with. He tried hard to remember

why he found himself in this position, here, now, alone. Where were they? Where

in hell was he?

His beautiful princess laid on the king sized bed, exhausted after that one

hour long love making session. He was physically there, yet his mind was

elsewhere. Not in pure ecstasy, but in sincere melancholy, where every time the

clarified becomes doubt, the real becomes a lie, the genius becomes stupid and

that what takes years to built, is destroyed in a couple of seconds. He was

confused. Was it him? Was it her?

He thought of the times he used to laugh so hard, he could shake any

mountain top with his laughter. He thought of the many times when everyone

circled him to hear his stories, bravery and countless jokes that made you

laugh long before the first word was even said.

"I had all these women and now I am all alone on this doorstep" he thought.

Once again he felt he was being watched.

Apart from dogs barking every now and then, far away, you could barely hear

any other noise except some cars passing by. For a moment, he looked to his

left and saw a young blonde lad moving his lips. But he was not there with his

mind and therefore he could not register what was being said to him. He

motioned his head from the left to the right as if to tell the other guy 'can

you please repeat' and the guy made a sign as if he was switching on the

lighter. He then understood, stood up walked closely to this young guy that was

just experiencing his first nights out, so much that he locked himself up and

was waiting for his friends to come with the keys. Without saying a word, he

then turned around and sat back on his doorstep while he exhaled the last breath

from the cigarette. It is time for another one he said to himself. He was not a

chain smoker, yet in circumstances like these when everything filled his mind;

he found refuge in these 6cm deadly inhale/exhale puffs.

He looked towards the blonde guy and once again threw himself into his dream

world and then as if by magic a white shining light appeared to his right. He

looked at the blonde guy again to see if he was seeing the same thing but the

lad was playing with a small stone that he found under the pavement. The light

was getting brighter and there was no way that blondie locks could not see it.

He inserted his right hand into his right pocket of the newly bought

bermudas, to fetch for the lighter and light another cigarette. So he did and

while he looked again to his right, he saw a white male figure with a celestial

kind of relaxed face.

He looked to the blonde guy again.

"Do not worry" this sort of angel (without wings though) said.

"He can't see me, only you can! Tell me what is troubling you?” Theodore

just thought about what he was to answer, and here he was being given a reply

that was to fulfill all his thirst for his worries.

"Do not worry, for all the things you are passing through were meant to

be. You do love humans, but remember since time immemorial they have betrayed

themselves, killed each other and they will keep on doing so. I was sent to

give you a short message of life and hope. In a few hours you will see a new

sunrise. But is it not the same sun as yesterdays? Indeed and that is the

message my fellow friend. God is giving you the same choices as he gave others.

God is giving you the same benefits as he gave others. Maybe, somehow, somewhat

differently but he will give you the moments of pain so you can measure joy,

the moments of sadness so that you can appreciate the ones during which you are

happy. God will allow that people hate you because they will never be capable

to see you are unique. But as the sun will rise and sets, no matter what, so

will God. And like the sand in the desert he will then cover all your pain,

like when the wind settles the sand there where till a few moments before steps

of camel filled the golden path. That is to show you he is still there and every

day, he wants you to start afresh. Now I tell you, go, put yourself inside the

bed with your loved one and do not fill yourself with the guilt on the mistakes

you did but dream about all that what you are going to do. Behold your fears

and tears but hold to your heart. That is a sign that God still has a pulse in

you".

Suddenly the man started to disappear and all that Theodore could see was

the whitish smoke exhaled from his mouth as it caressed the thin air and vanish

in the nothingness of the night. Once again it reminded him of the pope and he

suddenly looked at the carpet of stars above. He marveled at all that.

And suddenly he heard "Be blessed my friend, for I was sent today to

show you that you inhaled sadness, but I am exhaling your heart out to give

your life through your love"

Xtaqt

Xtaqt

Xtaqt li kieku nurik,

U forsi mhux l-imrar ta dil-hajja nisqik,

Xtaqt li tkun tieghi minn dejjem,

W’tibqa mieghi ghal dejjem,

Xtaqt li nkun l-ewwel zifna tieghek,

L-ewwel bewsa li taghti ,

l-ewwel diskors li jsir,

l-ewwel imhabba ta’ zewg namrati,

xtaqt li wahdi nihdok fix-xaghri ,

fejn il-haxix jitbewwes mar-rih,

fejn l-ghasafar itiru,

u jiftahru b’dal globu u kull ma fih,

xtaqt li hekk - hekk wahdi u flimkien mieghek,

immiss is-saqaf tas-sema,

xtaqt li ghal kull xewqa li ghandek,

jien quddiem artal nixel ix-xema,

li tibqa tixghel ghal dejjem,

u ma tintefa qatt,

bhal kelma dejjiema,

li int ghedt lil ewwel namrat,

xtaqt li kieku kont inkun tieghek mill-ghodwa,

meta f’hajtek xtaqt il wens,

w’ghalik niggieled nikkumbatti,

w’nitqabad jien, ghalik, ma’ kull gens,

xtaqt li jekk forsi int ridt xi hadd,

u dan li tarah mhux biss fil kliem,

kont tara kollox fija,

ghax dak li naghmel ghalik hu dejjiem,

xtaqt li nkun ghalik ix-xemx tizreg,

jew l-istilel ta filghaxija,

xtaqt jin noffrilek hajti u zmieni,

hudha, dik tieghek b’kull ma fiha,

xtaqt li kieku nkejjel imhabbti,

bir-ramel ta’ fuq il-bajja,

li nkun ghalik skultur,

li jispicca jtik in-nifs, il-hajja,

xtaqt li kull meta thares il-fuq,

f’dak il-pajsagg, hemm fis-sema,

tara dejjem lili nitbissem,

b’imhabba lesta li ghalik tintrema,

ghax qabel mad-destin tani lilek,

jien kont ga habejtek,

qabel mal-genituri rawmuk f’mara sabiha,

jien b’imhabbti kont ga sqejtek,

u hekk illum ma narax iktar mara wehidha,

tibki, tolfoq ghax thossha mwarrba,

imma tara lili gej bil-mod lejha w’ghal dejjem,

sa mal munitira tektek l-ahhar darba.

Jack Vella
05.VI.XI

Once again I suggest that you listen to this latest poem with Ennio Morricone's the Mission soundtrack!!! - this is the link...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fC58MjYDp64

il-Miraklu ma' hamest' ahwa

1.

L-atmosfera fil-kuritur kienet wahda ta' swied il-qalb. U kien hemm diversi ragunijiet ghal dan. Imdawrin maghha kien hemm uliedha, erba' minn hamsa, bil-hames wahda kienet mistennija tasal minn mument ghal iehor. Il-mobile tal-kbira, dik li kienet ghadha ma waslitx beda jdoqq fuq is-seat tal-passigier tal-karozza taghha, hi u sejra lejn L-Ingieret. Mohhha kien mimli memorji, sbieh u koroh tal-mumenti li sa minn tfulita kienet qattet m'ommha. Peress li kienet l-ewwel wahda minn dejjem kien hemm dik il-gibda, dik in-naqra mhabba aktar lejn dik li wellditha.

Il-hin fuq id-daxxbord kien juri l-hamsa u ghaxra.

F'nofsinhar kienet irceviet dik it-telefonata, li ghalkemm minhabba l-eta t'ommha kienet qed tistenniha, meta waslet xorta ma' kinitx preparata ghaliha. Dik it-telefonata bidlitilha il-gurnata. Ghal maghmul m'hemmx kunsill, biss it-toroq t'Alla huma twal u sakemm tasal taf idur kollox. Imma dawk huma t-toroq tieghu u dawn jafhom Hu biss.

"Il-mama qeghda hazin" kien jghid il-lehen fuq in-naha l-ohra tal-linja, dak tal-fustanija. U min hemm bdew sighat t'agunija shiha kemm ghat-tfal u kemm ghal omm, imma dak il-hin wicc il-kbira jien juri l-kuluri kollha li kien hemm fil-qawsalla u anke dak l-kulur pur, l-abjad. U dan il-kulur tista tghid akkumpanja lil ahwa kollha matul dik il-gurnata. Bid-differenzi kollha taghhom, dik l-omm li taghthom il-hajja irnexxilha taghmel dak li kien ilju ma jitwettaq snin, tghaqqadhom mill-gdid f'kamra wahda.

2.

"...dik ma tahmilnix u ma nafx ghalxiex, sahansitra tghir forsi xi naqra ghalija, imma jiena anke jekk forsi stajt weggajtha, jiena miniex lesta li nitlobha skuza", qalet Sofija lil Julia.

Sofija kienet tigi ir-raba wahda mill-ulied. Julia kienet il-fustanija u dik li hadet hsieb li ccempel lil hutha kollha biex tavzahom li ommhom wahdanija u l'unika genitur li kienet ghadha hajja, kienet waslet lejn l-ahhar ta'hajjitha, f'xifer il-mewt. Qabel Julia kien hemm Tessa, il-kbira dik li kienet ghadha ma waslitx u Vonnie jew Yvonne, it-tieni wahda. Wara Sofija kien hemm imbaghad Guditta, li bhal fil-karattru li jinsab fil-Bibbja kienet dejjem lesta li tahsad l-irjus u galadarba ma tiehux grazzja mieghek kienet taghmel minn kollox biex tkunta'ostaklu anke ghal min kien ikun diga mghaffeg f'dan il-wied tad-dmugh.

Julia mejlet rasha u alavolja kienet taf li ohtha ghnda ragun ma ridietx li d-differenzi u l-pika li eziztiet tul dawn l-ahhar snin tkompli u sahansitra tittiehed anke fuq is-sodda tal-mewt t'ommhom. Tista tghid li l-iktar tnejn fuq tagghom u l-inkwiet kien jigri warajhom - jew jigru warajh huma - kienu Vonnie u z-zghira Guditta.

"Ghalkemm naqbel mieghek oht, irridu naraw li dawn l-affarijiet jintesew ghal ftit, allinqas sakemm jigu rrangati l-pjanijiet ta' l-ahhar vjagg t'ommna!!" temmet tghidilha Julia.

" U dan filfatt huwa l-inkwiet tieghi Julia, ghax tinsiex li waqt li dan ser ikun l-ahhar vjagg taghha u hi tispicca sitt piedi taht l-art, ahna ser nibdew il-vjagg taghna lejn il-martirju u dan taf li huwa habba l-wirt". Filwaqt li Sofija qalet hekk, hi tmejlet il-quddiem fuq is-siggu tal-kuritur u l-boghod minn kollox u miz-zewgt' ahwa l-ohra, intefghet timmagina x'seta' jigri lilhom wara l-mewt t'ommhom li huma kollha kienu qed jistennew minn mument ghal iehor.

3.

Peress li ma kienx possibli li huma kollha ikunu fl-istess hin hdejn ommhom dak il-hin, kien hemm biss Vonnie u Guditta, hdejn dik l-mara qsajra mimduda li kienet qed tiggieled man-nifs. Gisimha li kien diga qed jibdel il-kulur, beda jiehu lewn ikhal. Sinjal li verament kienet waslet fl-ahhar.

"Guditta, ara ma jfettilekx tkellimhom lil dawk il-hodor" qalet f'daqqa wahda hdejn is-sodda t'ommha Vonnie b'lehen awtoritattiv.

"Jekk ghandiex wara dak kollu li ghamluli" temmet tejdilha l-ohra. U kif jghidu, bhal ma taghmel jaghmlulek u allura din it-tradizzjoni mhux ser niksirha jiena!!".

Imma l-omm alavolja f'xifer il-mewt kienet qeghda tisma kollox. U dan huma ma kienux jafuh. Go mohhha beda ghaddej x'sar minn dawn it-tfal li hi u zewgha Gejtu rrawmu u tellghu f'tant ghozza w'imhabba. Xtaqet li kieku tista tghajjat u twiddibhom. Xtaqet li kieku thabtilhom rashom u turihom il-hsara li qed jaghmlu lil xulxin. Xtaqet li titlaq minghajr rimors, iktar u iktar ghax kienet taf li dan kollu sa certu punt kienet bdietu hi bil- preferenzi lil tnejn minn hamsa. U ta' dan iddispjaciha, talbet mahfra lil Mulej.

Il-Mulej kellu izda, pjanijiet differenti. Xi kultant ruh li taghmel il-hsara tispicca quddiemu minghajr ic-cans li tirranga l-affarijiet u dan ukoll kien ser jidher li ha jkun il-kaz. Imma t-toroq tal-Mulej hadd ma jafhom. U fil-hin li l-fannijiet tal-kurituri kienu qeghdin jzeffnu bil-mod il-gwienah taghhom, jfarfru t-trab li kien ingemgha kemm ilhom mhux mixghulin u jibdew melodija retorika li ddamdam il-kurituri u flimkien mal-inhor tax-xjuh ikunu l-unika hsejjes li jidwhu matul il-lejl, instema l-pum tal-bieb principali jinfetah. U hekk kif il-bieb tbexxaq, intlemhet persuna mdaqqsa liebsa libsa twila sewda. Minn idejh - bhal qisu kollox kien mixi bil-mod - iddendlet il-kuruna tar-ruzarju li sa dak il-hin kienet marbuta mas-swaba kollha. Tnejn minnhom izda tilfu l-kuntatt w'ghalekk il-kuruna filwaqt li kienet ghadha mdendla bhal qabzet minn idu u nizlet pied taht il-palma u bdiet titbandal l'hemm u l'hawn maz-ziffa tar-rih falz mormi mill-fan ta' fuqu.

Bil-minuti ghadejjin in-nifs tax-xiha hiereg min sidirha u tiela l-fuq sakemm jiltaqa mal- kumplament tal-arja ta' barra, beda jbatti. Il-qassis, Dun Gorg kien jidher li wasal fil-hin. Anni, 'zda - l'omm - kienet ghadha mhiex lesta li titlaq - ma setghetx turi wiccha quddiem il-krejatur. Ma setghatx titlaq hekk. Kien ghad baqa forsi ftit sekondi li ghaliha dehru bhal jiem twal mudlama.

F'daqqa wahda waqt li Dun Gorg kien rehilha, wara li ghalaq il-bieb lejn il-kamra numru hamsa instema ghajjat li damdam lil hitan. Anni kienet ghamelt sforz u bdiet tghajjat u xxejjer idejha bla razan u bla kontrol.

"Ejja, Ejja"

Ftit qabel l-ahwa kienu mwiddba minn nersis biex ma joqghodux kollha hdejn ommhom ghax kien hemm wisq nies flimkien mal-kumplament tal-familja. B'hekk l-irgiel ta' l-ahwa flimkien ma-neputijiet u l-gharajjes taghhom intalbu johorgu barra jew jerhulha lura lejn id-dar.

Il-Mulej irattab il-qalb. il-Mulej juri t-triq. Il-Mulej huwa l-unika salvazzjoni anke ghal dawk li jkunu qeghdin jahsbu li huma salvati imma filfatt ikunu mitlufa. U lil dawn il-Mulej iridhom lura. Din hija l-glieda eterna bejn it-tajjeb u l-hazin!!

L-ahwa li kienu fil-kuritur, wara rmew is-sigarett gol-ashtray u sellmu lil Dun Gorg mill-bod, harbu jigru lejn ommhom wara li semghu dak l-ghajjat. Dun Gorg kif rahom jigru lebbet ghal warajhom b'kemm setghu ituh is-saqajn ta' sitta w'sebghin sena li kellu. Lil Anni u l'Gejtu kien ilu jafhom sew u kien ghalekk li ghall-grizma Sofija kienet qalet lilu. Sewwasew seba snin qabel kien hu li ta' l-ahhar sagramenti lil Gejtu meta ghalaq ghajnejh fl-eta sabiha ta' disghin sena.

Tessa kienet sadanittant lahqet waslet u kienet magenb ommha wkoll wara li dahlet mil-bieb tan-nofs li kien iwassal ezatt magenb il-kamra t'ommha.

Issa fil-kamra kien hemm Vonnie u Guditta fuq in-naha tal-lemin t'ommhom, Dun Gorg fin-nofs, filwaqt li Sofija, Tessa u Julia kienu fuq ix-xellug. L- omm pruvat tqum izda ma kelliex sahha taghmel dan. Tessa indunat u pruvat tghina izda Anni ghalkemm agitata, warbitilha idha min wara darha u poggitha fuq l-istonku taghha. Kienet stejqret sew u kienet f'sensiha alavolja bla sahha. Imma dan il-mument kien dak li kienet ilha tohlom snin. Quddiemha kienet hemm uliedha li ma kienux jithamlu bejniethom u dan ghal bosta ragunijiet. Tessa harset lejn ommha u wara lejn in-naha l'ohra tas-sodda lejn Guditta u Vonnie. Anni bil-mod zelqet idejha l-leminija lejn Vonnie u bis-sahha li kien ghad baqalha zammitha u mexxietha bil-mod ghal fuq l-istonku, sewwasew fuq id Tessa. L-ahwa harsu lejn xulxin issummati. Kien dan il-messagg li ommhom ippruvat tghaddilhom. Riedet tghaqqadhom fuq is-sodda tal-mewt qabel titlaq ghal dan l-ahhar vjagg, vjagg li ghalih kienet ser tkun wehidha flimkien mal-hin kollu li kienet uzat f'hajjitha u dan kienet ser tipprezentah quddiem il-Mulej. Imma dan il-hin kien bhal donnu ghadu ma wasalx. Ommhom wara din il-mossa, baqghet izomm idejhom fuq xulxin b'sahha 'zda kienet tidher hafna iktar kalma u wiccha bhal kien ha d-dawl. Dun Gorg kien diga beda jlissen minn taht l-ilsien l-ewwel posta tar-ruzarju. L-omm dehret rassenjata u ghajnejha bdew jitbexxqu bil-mod. In-nifs beda jbatti. L-ahwa bdew jghannqu lil xulxin u wahda wahda, jitolbu mahfra filwaqt li jibku lil ommhom u lihom infushom. L- omm bhal tbissmet u hadet l'ahhar nifs u sidirha tela u nizel ghal ahhar darba.

Dak il-hin id-dawl bhal tbatta u rega xeghel.

Il-kuruna ta' Dun Gorg kienet bdiet tixxengel mill-gdid taht il-fan tal-kamra. Dun Gorg kien diga qed imiss is-seba zibga tal-kuruna dak il-hin. Huwa stieden lil ahwa kollha biex jghidu r-ruzarju mieghu. Minn man-nuccali imtappan bil-frame ohxon dehret demgha niezla. Kien ghadu kif kien xhud ta' miraklu. Miraklu ma' hamest' ahwa.

Tassew it-toroq t'Alla huma misterjuzi w'ma jafhom hadd, haseb bejnu u bejn ruhu dan il-qassis.

TMIEM

Jack Vella

6.VI.XI.