The smell of the cigarette as he exhaled it and breathed in at the same time
was strong. He somehow felt he was being watched. This was the first time in
years that he stood there on the door step leading to the flat. It was the
first time that he went out for a fag.
And a series of events led to this one.
A couple of minutes before he was making love to his woman. He could still
feel the intensity of that love making session and he felt proud that his
member (as he used to call him) did not let him down this time round. Yes, this
time round because Theodore was the same guy who after a decade of non love
making sessions went into the wildest days that not even his dreams had catered
for before. There he was, back at that time with a sort of an extra part (since
it was not being used) on his body, a part that he was not well to say the
least proud of.His marriage days were boring to say but the least as regards to
his sexual pleasures. His then wife was not yet to be considered the Mata Hara
of the bed times. Well that is up till now. A couple of months had passed since
he met his current girlfriend and he so foolishly was here on this doorstep
where a miniature papal like chimney was showing him that a new day was on the
verge of kissing the previous one goodbye. A new dawn. In fact that whitish
smoke that he, like an expert inhaled and then exhaled out of his body produced
what looked like the papal smoke, every time that there is a papal election and
the flock waits for to see coming up the Sistine's chapel chimney. This time
round though it was abruptly swept away by the sheer breeze that accompanied
the stars and the moon as he sat there alone on his door step.
Once again he could feel that he was being watched from the distance.
But he was too lost in this little brain he had filled with these many
thoughts of his, at this early hour of the morning. For countless times, he was
recalling his escapades - his treasures - women. He loved to pick up women,
entice them, lure them to his den and then vanish from their life like thin
air. He thought that he was doing nothing wrong. The list that filled his mind
was never ending. Futile was his attempt to remember the names of the one who
were, that ones that not, the ones he did it with. He tried hard to remember
why he found himself in this position, here, now, alone. Where were they? Where
in hell was he?
His beautiful princess laid on the king sized bed, exhausted after that one
hour long love making session. He was physically there, yet his mind was
elsewhere. Not in pure ecstasy, but in sincere melancholy, where every time the
clarified becomes doubt, the real becomes a lie, the genius becomes stupid and
that what takes years to built, is destroyed in a couple of seconds. He was
confused. Was it him? Was it her?
He thought of the times he used to laugh so hard, he could shake any
mountain top with his laughter. He thought of the many times when everyone
circled him to hear his stories, bravery and countless jokes that made you
laugh long before the first word was even said.
"I had all these women and now I am all alone on this doorstep" he thought.
Once again he felt he was being watched.
Apart from dogs barking every now and then, far away, you could barely hear
any other noise except some cars passing by. For a moment, he looked to his
left and saw a young blonde lad moving his lips. But he was not there with his
mind and therefore he could not register what was being said to him. He
motioned his head from the left to the right as if to tell the other guy 'can
you please repeat' and the guy made a sign as if he was switching on the
lighter. He then understood, stood up walked closely to this young guy that was
just experiencing his first nights out, so much that he locked himself up and
was waiting for his friends to come with the keys. Without saying a word, he
then turned around and sat back on his doorstep while he exhaled the last breath
from the cigarette. It is time for another one he said to himself. He was not a
chain smoker, yet in circumstances like these when everything filled his mind;
he found refuge in these 6cm deadly inhale/exhale puffs.
He looked towards the blonde guy and once again threw himself into his dream
world and then as if by magic a white shining light appeared to his right. He
looked at the blonde guy again to see if he was seeing the same thing but the
lad was playing with a small stone that he found under the pavement. The light
was getting brighter and there was no way that blondie locks could not see it.
He inserted his right hand into his right pocket of the newly bought
bermudas, to fetch for the lighter and light another cigarette. So he did and
while he looked again to his right, he saw a white male figure with a celestial
kind of relaxed face.
He looked to the blonde guy again.
"Do not worry" this sort of angel (without wings though) said.
"He can't see me, only you can! Tell me what is troubling you?” Theodore
just thought about what he was to answer, and here he was being given a reply
that was to fulfill all his thirst for his worries.
"Do not worry, for all the things you are passing through were meant to
be. You do love humans, but remember since time immemorial they have betrayed
themselves, killed each other and they will keep on doing so. I was sent to
give you a short message of life and hope. In a few hours you will see a new
sunrise. But is it not the same sun as yesterdays? Indeed and that is the
message my fellow friend. God is giving you the same choices as he gave others.
God is giving you the same benefits as he gave others. Maybe, somehow, somewhat
differently but he will give you the moments of pain so you can measure joy,
the moments of sadness so that you can appreciate the ones during which you are
happy. God will allow that people hate you because they will never be capable
to see you are unique. But as the sun will rise and sets, no matter what, so
will God. And like the sand in the desert he will then cover all your pain,
like when the wind settles the sand there where till a few moments before steps
of camel filled the golden path. That is to show you he is still there and every
day, he wants you to start afresh. Now I tell you, go, put yourself inside the
bed with your loved one and do not fill yourself with the guilt on the mistakes
you did but dream about all that what you are going to do. Behold your fears
and tears but hold to your heart. That is a sign that God still has a pulse in
you".
Suddenly the man started to disappear and all that Theodore could see was
the whitish smoke exhaled from his mouth as it caressed the thin air and vanish
in the nothingness of the night. Once again it reminded him of the pope and he
suddenly looked at the carpet of stars above. He marveled at all that.
And suddenly he heard "Be blessed my friend, for I was sent today to
show you that you inhaled sadness, but I am exhaling your heart out to give
your life through your love"
