Shining star...wherever you are...

Galaxies of love,

take me there,

just live the outside,

travel the distance,

and I'll be the one to care,

and the trail you're leaving,

everytime I hear you,

all the shining stars kissing,

in a milky way so blue,

of what is a lie,

and that what is true.

I hear two stars conversing,

and the skies that embrace,

wish more than once to hold you,

to run my fingers on your face,

to feel your hair and fond it,

to carry you everywhere,

If you need me just call my name,

and I'll promise you I'll be there,

let the drums in heaven roll noisily,

so our love will be heard,

because everyone will hear of two persons,

that the saints in heaven preferred.

If love is calling you,

then just answer don't be afraid,

cause what you're afraid of saying,

you might never get another chance,

and if you do it will be late,

so let me fly with you,

and carry you on my wings,

you the star that is shining,

up there, the one that blinks.

Be the one to answer,

when I call, or when I knock,

cause if you are there beside me,

rather than flying I prefer to walk,

cause if I walk I will be slower,

I will have you for more minutes,

for an eternity mine,

and you will at the end look back and tell me,

Jack you loved me till the end of time.

The Landscape of life from my window

I

Going to Alabama had always been my dream since my childhood. My parents used to tell me that one day we'll manage to go there. So I was always dreaming!! We used to live in Paso Robles in California and to go to the other side of the States required not only a lot of time but a lot of money and I was at that age fully dependable on my parents.

My dad used to tell me about his days in the army and I was always fascinated by the discipline and all that stuff. I had had decided back then that I wanted to be a soldier. Somehow somewhere though another plan was being laid down, by someone that I did not know back then.

My mum was an Indian and I was therefore the final product in between a mixture of cultures. My dad had emigrated from Canada and during one of his duties that took him to the Crazy Horse gathering in South Dakota. The Crazy Horse Memorial is a mountain monument that is currently under construction in the Black Hills of South Dakota, in the form of Crazy Horse, an Oglala Lakota warrior, riding a horse and pointing into the distance. The memorial was commissioned by Lakota Chief Henry Standing Bear to be sculpted by Korczak Ziółkowski, a Polish sculpturor.

The memorial consists of the mountain carving (monument), the Indian Museum of North America and the Native American cultural Center. The monument is being carved out of Thunderhead Mountain on land considered sacred by some Native Americans, between Custer and Hill City, roughly 17 miles away from Mount Rushmore.

The sculpture's final dimensions are planned to be 641 feet (195 m) wide and 563 feet (172 m) high. The head of Crazy Horse will be 87 feet (27 m) high; by comparison, the heads of the four U.S. Presidents at Mount Rushmore are each 60 feet (18 m) high.

The Native Americans (better known to Europeans as Indians) were against this whole project and they used to gather in hundreds to oppose this idea, even though it would finally commemorate one of their 'sons'. For them that land was sacred and that was it. Therefore the Army was sent as a protégé of those working on the project and my dad was stationed there for three years. It was during one of these gatherings that mum and dad met. It was love at first sight.

"All I needed was just a glance and in seeing your mum I became a crazy horse", he used to joke.

But my mum never liked these kinds of jokes. Church was not something I knew of at the time and afterwards. God was someone distant and we grew up worshipping everything that was brought to us from Mother Nature.

II

Finally I was there!! I was in Alabama. Coincidentally while attending college I had befriended a couple from Alabama and here I was now, at their home in Orange Beach and I was over looking the amusement park that there was right in front of their house. The serenity of all the natural sounds in the harbour reminded me of what my mum used to describe as her childhood area, near the Black Hills, where during the endless summer days, they used to roam around forests, lakes, rivers and enjoy the innocence of their lives.

I opened my eyes and looked to the ceiling of the attic, the place I was to live in for the coming two summer months, July & August. The Church clock rang four little sounds that echoed on the whole village near the beach. It was four in the morning. Even though still early, the first rays of the sun were calling on a new day. In the distance I could hear the seagulls singing in harmony and in unison thanking the bigger spirit. I could hear the muffled sound of the sea as it collided with the sand and made a splashing sound that was being amplified and echoing to such a point, that even from the distance it was tickling my ears. I could hear the fishermen as they prepared for their daily journey of the unknown. Their breadwinner. Some old people were already down by the beach enjoying the cool breeze that caresses their faces at such an early time of the day. All these were sounds of curiosity to such an extent that I just had to wake up and like a painter preparing his board while seeking for the next tip, of what to paint. I just had to look out of the window and stare dumbfounded. What I was seeing was all the work of the biggest painter, the biggest spirit. A landscape that transpired before my eyes and made me wanting just more. And at that time it dawned me. It came to me automatically. At that very time and for the first time in my life, I made the sign of the cross.

III

Years had passed since that time in Alabama. Since then the couple I had fore mentioned, Claire & Roberto - who was half Italian got married and had two kids, two little princesses, Tamara and Aurora. And I was ordained priest five years ago, three years of which as a spiritual leader in the Church of St. Thomas by the sea, yes a catholic one. I had renounced my faith I was brought up in and had since then found God. Since seeing that beautiful landscape that I nowadays call - the Landscape of my calling.

Before me were a part of the 16% of the people that formed part of the catholic community of Orange beach. I was saying the Sunday mass. It was my farewell mass, but I had to give these people, I had to give Alabama, what Orange Beach gave to me. And once again I looked at the ceiling and it reminded me of that first night in Alabama, long time ago. And so I started to retell that story to the people of God. I told them about my childhood, my dad and my mum and my bringing up. The fight during my adolescence to know what is right and wrong and to do what is right and sometimes wrong.

"...and I lift my eyes and hands to the ceiling, not the one that we are all under, but the one that tops our everyday, sees our every sorrow, breathes in to see our daily tomorrow. I lift myself in spirit and in soul to thank God for these years that he gave me here".

I didn't need to search for words, for I felt like God was beside me. God was breathing air in my lungs. God was putting the words on my tongue right before I said them. It was an eulogy for life.

"We are all masterpieces, no matter if we are ugly or beautiful, tall or short, old and sick and even with wrinkles or just saw the first day of our lives. There is a saying opposite attracts and I today bound myself to that saying and like on Mount Hebron I tell you..."

"Look in the eyes of the blind and you will see infinity".

"Look to the stars in the sky and you will see countless opportunities to thank God daily".

"Look to the disabled part of the disabled person and you will see nothing but love".

"Look towards all that what was ugly before and you will see what is now beautiful".

"For we might be blind but we see, we might be disabled but we breathe, we might be heartbroken but we can still love and we might live in sin, a lot of sin but there is someone that loves us into eternity. If you look towards these people with a different eye, you will see a different view. If you will paint with a different brush, you might come up with a different landscape. That landscape can be changed daily. The landscape is called life and we don't need to be painters to paint our landscape. We just need to breathe and believe. All the rest will find its place"

I inhaled and looked at God behind me. He seemed to smile back. Then l looked to the ceiling once more and once again I could see myself in that room, the attic of Claire & Roberto, long time ago. That day when I decided to paint my landscape. In the church for my last sermon, unbeknown to me Claire & Roberto were there. So were mum and dad. They looked in awe towards me. Stared dumbfounded.

And once again but this time with hundreds of others, I made the sign of the cross.

Jack Vella

29.IV.XI

Quote of the day from my mental institution 5

Time is a continuous, unresting and never ending lesson between what is right and what is wrong - Jack Vella

Why me?

Why do you keep on asking yourself this question many times a day? Is it something psychological? Is it something that we inherit? Is it really pre-destined?

If it is then, why does God give us the freedom to do what we want? To do how we feel?

Is that really celled freedom? For freedom cannot be given when there is a plan of something that is pre-meditated. Freedom is the liberty of the word, the liberty of the thought and that of the deed. And instead of asking why me, sometimes we even become heroes, those who know all and ask...

Is God keeping his promise?

Then again, who am I to judge Him who cannot be judged?

Who am I to speak about what others might feel?

Who am I to be the one to throw the first stone?

Who am I to take what is not mine?

As well as...

Who are you to tell me what I need to wear?

And what I need to do?

Or how I need to live?

Who gave you the permission to say what you want, even if that is to the detriment of others, just for the sake of being a person that wants to show off? A person that wants to give to others, but expecting everything in return of your nothing.

We are all citizens of Heaven, Ladies & Gentlemen. That is a prize that we have to work hard for. I want to start that with me. And I would like that you start from you before moving to those you. Forgiveness is a hard thing to ask. It's even harder to feel inside. But it leaves an internal peace that nothing can ever give you except the love for/of God. We might live now for moments of pleasure as we are all humans. We might live for moments where we might gamble on an earthly triumph but we forget that far away there is another prize awaiting us. We forget that we have to feel it deep inside. Sometimes we ask ourselves why me? But we don’t look above, and see a young adult that gave His Life for us. We don't see this young adult asking for forgiveness to His father. Not His but ours. Let the first word that was said on the cross 2000 years ago, echo in eternity. Let it not be in vain - for one day you will hear it again along with other statements that you might have overheard again and again throughout your life and never gave the much needed attention to...

Let these echoes echo now and then and when the appropriate time will come, you have to echo positively with the deeds and actions that you did…

I needed clothes and you clothed me...

I was sick and you looked after me...

I was in prison and you came to visit me...

I was thirsty and you gave me what to drink...

I was hungry and you gave me food...

And then you will solemnly reply...

Oh Lord, Oh Lord - Love of Love itself...Quench for the eternal thirst that I have for your heart...here on my knees and with all my humbleness, I proclaim you King of Kings...You my Lord...for I was blind and you gave me Light...

I am no priest Ladies and Gentlemen. I am no saint either. And yes I did my mistakes. But I want to get down on my knees if needed and ask you, each and everyone that I did hurt in the past, for forgiveness. I have sinned against the Lord and I have hurt you, maybe you are reading this!! I ask you that I did not give you my hand when you needed it, I did not support you when you wanted to rest on my shoulder, did not help you when you shouted out for SOS....yes SOS...save our souls. I did hurt, but I was as well...I did sin but let us look beneath. I might never be able to ask for forgiveness directly because the circumstances in life won't allow it. But know, just know that deep inside, I feel peace that I want to share with you, because I know that you will one day feel it too...if you forgive…

Before asking Why me? - Think and Thank the Lord for He has chosen you to carry the cross, instead of Simon of Cyrene. Hence you might not be trained but God will always give you the appropriate equipment so that you can carry the load not with ease but safely to its place and instead of nailing Christ to the cross once more, we will nail Love into our eternal life and write a gospel where somehow we will all be part of, because yes We are all indeed CITIZENS OF HEAVEN.

"Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends". (John 15:13)

Today I have found Jesus again. Jesus came knocking on my door. Jesus came to me. And I that maybe did not believe that if I get lost he comes looking for me, because maybe I thought I was no one, was facing Him. Not only I felt His presence, but I also felt an internal peace, if you consider that during this week, we will commemorate His death and resurrection. And all that because of us!!

To me Jesus came in the form of a priest. A foreign one, who visited me from afar. I felt just like the Italians did when John Paul II was elected as pope back in 1978. A foreigner from a land that is far away. He came to lead the flock of people he was entrusted with. Christians and not. To many, Jesus was never so close to the humans as back then during his pontificate. There was never a leader that visited so many countries, in which millions gathered not in his name but in Christ's name. I felt just like that. A tiny piece of wood floating in the immensity of the ocean. An ocean of love. Of someone who seeks nothing but to love with love being immensity.

I looked in two blue shining eyes of a father that was just ordained 3 weeks ago, and here he was doing his first mission. The mission entrusted to him. He came to renew me, to show me God.

In the past 4 weeks God knocked twice on my door. And twice I let him in. Twice I spoke with him. For two times I had him a couple of centimetres away. But maybe I still don't understand his message. Maybe I still don't understand what he wants from me. Maybe I am still an explorer discovering Him. He first saved my mum’s life and today came to me. He was Fr.Giles.

God spoke.

God loved.

God always does.

Sometimes when we least expect to. Sometimes the normal routine for us becomes the unnatural moment in which God Himself becomes an explorer, looking for us. Once again God becomes a shepherd seeking his lost sheep.

And now ask yourself…Do I want to listen? Do I want to forgive? Do I want to forget what bad people might have done to me? Through his son's arms, he is opening His to tell us, that once again after 2000 years, he still waits, still needs to be listened to. He still breaths in each and every one of us. He might give us different tasks. Tasks that are normally difficult but are always achievable because he is always there. In us. He gave us though, the same air, so that we breathe in one, cause we are finally one. One with Him. Or that is how He wants us to be!

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16)

So during this week, ask yourself before expecting an answer. Do not pretend not to hear when you are summoned. Believe, for if you won't you will one day be called and need to answer to all the whys asked. Repent for what you did and ask for forgiveness. Do not look to the outside of a person. See internally. What people do have to offer sometimes might not be visible to the naked eye. Some people are prisoners of their own body, and with us pointing fingers, their life will be more difficult and unbearable. Do not be the ones to be mentioned for the wrong deeds. Do not seek immortality and you will get it. For the ones that have the biggest slams are the ones that aim high without preparation. People that might think they are the ones that the world cannot stand without. Cannot move without. That the world cannot rotate within the orbit, if they cease to exist. And sometimes the Them becomes We and the we are Me and You.

We all want to point fingers to others, but we are never able to point them to ourselves. We want to find that one tiny hair in the pastry, like we say in Maltese, in what others say, what others do. Sometimes we even pretend that we are given the power to infiltrate their thoughts, command their feelings. Looking at the mirror sometimes is not enough!!

We need to see the internal US!! We need to feel where we are wrong but that, again, is not enough. We need not to use weeks like the current week or Christmas week or the New Year’s. Usually we use this excuse to feel empathy and switch to the kind hearted mode and then as soon as the next sun will rise, as soon as the people we were playing the cool with - are gone, we forget all the promises we made, all the steps we took and all the actions we did.

Yes, sometimes, the death of the Christ is just another excuse for us.

So I tell you, let this year be different. Do not limit yourself to any resolution in mid year. Un-limit yourself to the love of God.

Daily we can see that the long lists of people getting longer. Lists that fill up our minds, nowadays. Youngsters dying because of overdoses or drug abuse, families being destroyed, people diagnosed with cancer or any other terminal illnesses, disabled persons and old people not being taken care of, sometimes even left alone, others having accidents that happen because of negligence, wars, earthquakes, killings, hatred and so on so forth.

We are letting a piece of the tail of the devil ruining our lives and taking away the happiness that took years for us to build.

Do not let it be so. Be winners of the best victory you can ever triumph in. This year start and don't stop. Lift yourself up and walk. Take the hand of someone and fly. Love and live. Begin today what will one day be eternal - what you will live for, die with and resurrect by.

Give love and never stop. Redeem and forgive. Forget and start afresh. Where it seems to be impossible, use but do not abuse the love of God. Look at Christ's hands on the cross. At his head filled with thorns leaned to right. Christ that died for us. But then resurrected so that we can live in peace and into eternity. And to love, the same way he loved us...so much that his hands lay across and nailed to a rotten piece of wood to show us that.

Just because....

"Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends". (John 15:13)

From around the world - The death of Peacemaker Vittorio Arrigoni

Shocked. That is how I felt early this morning, when like usual I have checked www.corriere.it, the italian online newspaper that I reckon is one of the best in the world.

Like many that knew Vittorio, I think that what he was doing was unique in the sense that he was alone fighting and struggling there, where daily the danger was being felt, was being lived. I feel that Vittorio is like the Jesus of our times. A tatooed Jesus though!! He didn't do miracles or seek fame. He fought for values and ideals. He was truly the one who led by example and helping our brothers that need so much support daily.

May that, what he did will echo in the ears of those who killed him. His yells for peace through his agony, will inflict more agony in the heart of hundreds that were helped and supported by Vittorio. His agony during his last minutes in this valley of sorrow witnessed a greater entity as he died for the cause, he so much believed in. He like Jesus died for LOVE.

RIP Vittorio - May those who killed you will reunite with you when they will be forgiven for the biggest mistake they've ever did.

Jack Vella
16.iv.xi

Quote of the day from my mental institution 4

Money might be countable but LOVE has a definition of being an uncountable noun. You can never measure LOVE but you know that it can always increase - Jack Vella

Quote of the day from my mental institution 3

Sometimes saying sorry is just not enough, sometimes being honest might put you in trouble and sometimes not being sincere might open a road to the abyss you might never be able to return from - Jack Vella

Quote of the day from my mental institution 2

Relationships break up mostly because of the hug not given, the words not said and the love not shared!